What about Dad?
Table talk
Last month, I attended a photography conference in Ireland (one more item checked off my bucket list). While I learned a good deal of useful information from the formal classes and presentations to bring home and apply to my business model, it was a casual conversation around the dinner table that had the most profound impact on me. Isn’t it funny how it works out sometimes, where you learn more when you aren’t trying? We, as in a group of 6 female and two male photographers plus two male spouses, were all talking about maternity and newborn photos. All of us photographers chimed in on what we do for the moms during these sessions. “Oh, moms love this and moms love that and we make the moms happy by providing _____”. After about 30 minutes of us going on about the wonderful experience and photographic art that we provide for our moms with their babies, in utero and after the birth, when one of the two gentlemen photographers sitting at the table asked a question that absolutely rocked me to my core. His question, stated very sincerely, without judgement or shame but in genuine curiosity, was “What about the dads? What do you do for them”?
Where’s the other half
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that the table went completely silent for at least a full minute. We all sort of looked around at each other with quizzical expressions without saying a word. Finally, one of the ladies broke the silence with what we were all thinking…”They don’t want to be involved and most don’t even come at all”. This is where the conversation took a turn and got very serious. He brought up so many good points. Fathers are half of the equation. They have just as much a part in creating that little life as the moms do. They feel the same excitement, nervousness, trepidation, fear and are just as anxious to meet their child and watch him or her grow up as moms are. Sure, they may not be as emotionally gushy as women can be but the feelings are there. With men also comes a feeling of pride. They are about to invest just as much in that baby as moms do. That newborn is as much a part of him as her so why are we allowing men to “not show up” to be in maternity and newborn photos?
From a child’s perspective
He went on to remind us that the child will grow up and look at the photos on the wall or in that lovely, hand-crafted album just as much as mom (and dad) will. Don’t they deserve to know that daddy was there, too? That their father was just as important? That their dad loved them enough to show up to be included in the images? Photographic images represent love, they really do. Who do you get photos of and why? Isn’t love the motivating factor? Dads love, too! “Men may think that they don’t want to be there in photos but they do”. He went on to say. “It might not be that day but they really do want to know that they are a part of the photographic legacy that is passed down to that child, too”. “Dads will ALWAYS look back at those photos with a sense of pride and love”, he promised. He literally spent the next four hours (nope, not an exaggeration), expounding on the importance of making sure dads are there for the maternity and newborn photos and that their feelings, even if unspoken or currently unacknowledged. He had such a way about it that most of us actually cried (guilty). “By allowing dads to “not be there”, we are telling the future child that dad isn’t important. We are showing that future child that dad’s presence in their life doesn’t matter. We are also telling the mom those very same things. Deep down inside, every woman does want the father of her child to be there, to be present, to be a part of that child’s life so why not start at the beginning like we are doing for moms, and making darned sure that dad is there in those photos on the wall, too”? Ya know what? he was right!
Father’s Day
It was merely a coincidence that this conversation took place when it did, but as Father’s Day approaches, we all, on both sides of the camera, need to change how we think about dad’s role in maternity, newborn and even family photos. Sure, he may balk at coming. I mean, really, does anyone actually want to be vulnerable enough to step in front of a camera and risk unflattering photos (which is also why you should chose your photographer based on their work, so there is little chance of “bad photos”…but that’s another story)? However, his baby and the mother of his baby both need to know that he is a part of that child’s life; an important part. Photos are a great way of doing that. It’s not really about him (or even about mom, really). It’s about that baby when they are growing up and older. It’s giving that future adult a way to show his children who their grandparents were and tell the story of their love for him. These photos aren’t so much for the now but for the future to come and not as much for the parents as you may think. Maternity and newborn photos are for the child; the child who will grow up seeing the love his parents had for him (and for each other), decorating the walls of his home. You fill a home with photos of a child on the wall as she grows, documenting all the stages of her life, and you will have a child who knows she is loved. So, no matter how you do it or who you do it with, give your future adult children and grandchildren the gift of photos of your family…without anyone missing. Father’s Day is the perfect reason to get started!
